.ooh, i have that.

what you know is what you know because you want to know it.
i, at times, find myself wanting to know…ok overknow, if you will allow me this lack of proper wordage, and it’s not always a good thing.
my focus goes missing since i plunge myself into preparation, research, surveying. now to be curious is natural, expected, even, in anyone living and breathing and of any measure of intelligence. once you get overly curious it can get a bit hairy.
as it goes with all things “didnt you see the signs?”

ah ,yes, the signs!

one makes oneself static, mulling over the most microscopic of details availed by the subject.

not enough?

how about the process of evaluating all manner of possibilities, not because they are crucial to the task or because they have the slightest thing to do with what is at hand but simply because you can? this brand of overactivity has no limits in that possibilities are assumed to be infinitely revealing themselves. next comes procrastination and lethargy, but this is not a representation of the problem itself.
ok, now my focus is lost in finding the time to clean house. so, the symptoms get attacked by an organization frenzy for the sake of productivity! do away with what slows me down!


one important thing slides right out of grasp and that is that all these are only the effects of a greater cause sending me further into the belly of my dysfunction. then comes trying different modes of productivity

…all at one time…

this further complicates the issue at heart. now, with time, much prayer and practice i have, more often than in the past, been at least able to better identify this “need to know’. i still indulge it, at times, for we are creatures of habit after all. there has to be a time when it can be boiled down to the bottom and made pure curiosity.
the first step of the Twelve should be employed, as with most things in life.
so, this thing must be accepted and owned and from it, learned…

(all the while, my plans stay on the shelf…)


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